It’s not about the numbers 

It’s not about the numbers. 

I wish someone had told me this ages ago. When we decided to have a baby and I was diagnosed with PCOS I was so fixated on the numbers. 

  • Provera dosage
  • Clomid dosage 
  • Days and time to take Clomid
  • Cycle day 1
  • Progesterone levels on day 21
  • How many days in the cycle
  • Testing on day 28
  • How many cycles of Clomid

Then, when you get pregnant

  • Hcg levels (are they high enough? Are the doubling every 48 hours?)
  • Progesterone levels
  • Due dates
  • When you get an ultrasound the size of the baby. Is the baby measuring correctly? 
  • What week should you have this happen or that happen like feeling the baby kick
  • When is the baby viable if God forbids the worse happens and you have to deliver early
  • Contractions and how often and how long

Then, when the baby comes and you are just trying to enjoy the newness the nurses want to know 

  • How often and when are they feeding
  • How long is he eating
  • How many pee diapers
  • Have the pooped yet

And it’s understandable because they have to be sure the baby is eating well and everything is working correctly. 

But then you go home and just try to survive. When you go to the doctor for the first time they start asking the same questions. You didn’t realize they would ask such detailed questions including the color andconsistency of the their poop. So… You download an app and start tracking and counting and timing like no tomorrow. You will be prepared for the next appointment. And at the next appointment you are. You hand over your phone and show them the app. 

And you keep tracking and counting and timing. Weeks and weeks of it because it is your life line through the crazy, overwhelming ride of motherhood. It keeps you grounded but then it starts to become overwhelming. 

Am I breastfeeding too long? Is he eating enough? When did he poop last? 

You get told this and that. All well meaning but so stressful. Feed on demand. Don’t feed for more than 30 minutes. Don’t let them comfort suckle. 

All the numbers. All the stats. So much stress. 

Throw the numbers out the window. Tear them up. Destroy them. Because when you do you can start enjoying motherhood. I stopped tracking and counting and timing two weeks ago and it has been such a relief. I have no clue how long he feeds for and I can enjoy it now not having to worry about opening the app, starting the timer, is he eating or just sleeping, stopping the timer. Counting every last single diaper. I make sure he is peeing and pooping but I don’t count and count and count. 

It is freeing just being a mom and not a statistical book keeper. 

Live in the moment with your little peanut and don’t stress the numbers.




    4 Comments Add yours

    1. sarahtillettcade says:

      You have literally taken the words out of my mouth – it is SO TRUE!!! Love your writing and your story. Once I was able to let that stuff go, my nugget and I were all the merrier! 🙂 ❤


      1. Cin and Jay says:

        So glad y’all are happy!!


    2. Arwen says:

      It took me too long to throw out my app but I’m so glad I did, I only wish I did it sooner!!


      1. Cin and Jay says:

        I know! Once everything is good and established there should be a rule that you have to throw it out!


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