So conflicted

I know once upon a time I said that I wouldn’t want anymore children after Theodore. I didn’t want to be pregnant ever again. 

I guess I lied. I want another baby! Jay wants another baby!

BUT there are 2 issues:

1. Theodore and I are happily breastfeeding with no issues at all. I’m so terrified that if I get pregnant my supply will dry up and we will have to wean him to formula (or breastmilk reserves). I know some women are able to continue to breastfeed for a while sometimes the whole pregnancy. Sometimes the milk will start to dry up in the second trimester and baby will dry suck and then in the third it switches back to colostrum and some babies don’t like the taste. I’m not ready for our breastfeeding journey to end. Originally my plan was to breastfeed until he was 6 months. 6 months is tomorrow and I couldn’t dream of stopping. 

2. I REFUSE to take any fertility drugs. They made me crazy before and I can’t be losing my shit while trying to take care of a baby. 

So… currently we aren’t doing anything to prevent pregnancy but with little man sleeping with us at the moment there hasn’t been any opportunity to even get pregnant. Our tentative plan is to start trying when he turns 9 months but the only issue with that is my cycle is not regular. I’ve had one period since birth and think I may be having another about 50 days after the first. It’s really damn difficult to have timed sex when you have no clue at all when you are ovulating. 

If anyone has any advice we would gladly take it because we are cray cray and want another baby!!! 


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Caroline says:

    I said the same thing! Well I said I did not plan to be pregnant again but that we would have more kids. Now I am reconsidering the pregnancy part. Like you, I love breastfeeding and Kennedy is doing so well with it. We aren’t preventing either but given our history I am realistic in thinking FETs with our frozens are our best option. Can’t do that til we are done breastfeeding. It took 4 years and 4 round of IVF to get Kennedy. It could take that long or longer for another. So when do we start?? Ugh I hate it all!


    1. Cin and Jay says:

      Yeah, it’s like a slightly cruel joke. I really want another child now but I don’t want Theodore to suffer because of it. I couldn’t imagine how he would react if he couldn’t breastfeed. Then, I’ve heard for women with PCOS that sometimes you can get pregnant right after having a baby easily. And now I’m in limbo land of “what if I wait too long and we miss our window?” I’ve been doing tons of research of breastfeeding during pregnancy and some women are able to while some just stop producing or baby doesn’t like the taste of colostrum. It’s a real rock in a hard place situation.

      Liked by 1 person

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