How long have you been trying?

“How long have you been trying?”

I’ve heard this question quite a lot lately and I have such a hard time answering it. Let me tell you why…

Back in 2011 I got married…we decided not to do anything to prevent pregnancy. The first 6 months we didn’t hard-core try. No basal body temperature, no ovulation prediction kits, no charting, nothing. After 6 months I started charting and using some generic ovulation prediction tests with lots of confusion. I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right because it never ever looked like the pictures. I never went to the doctor…I was 22 when we got married so I never thought there was anything wrong (Hind-sight is 20/20). After our first year of marriage we found out we were moving out of state for his job in two months. We decided to use protection for a while until we got comfortable in our new place. Well…our marriage wasn’t the greatest the whole time. We had lots of issues but we were trying to work them out. When we got to Oklahoma everything went downhill, and downhill fast. I decided to go back on birth control because I knew adding a baby to the mix wouldn’t help. I figured we would work stuff out, I’d go off birth control, and we would start trying again. 8 months after we moved…we separated and then got divorced.

During my first marriage…I tried for a year. I wanted a baby then…I truly did but God clearly had another plan. Looking back I am glad that I didn’t get pregnant because my ex and I were in a bad, bad marriage. A marriage where a child would have put even more stress and I’m sure it would have ended in a divorce with a terrible child custody battle.

Now…Jay and I have been trying since March. But…thankfully a good friend talked me into going and getting a pre-pregnancy check-up from my doctor. I am so so glad she talked  me into it…I didn’t listen right away…it took me about 4 months to finally get the time/decide to go.

I have had a few people say something like “Well..you haven’t been trying very long,” I just pretty much ignore them but what I really want to say is this: I AM NOT OVULATING and it wouldn’t matter how long we have been trying because I AM NOT OVULATING and if you didn’t know, you can’t get pregnant if you don’t ovulate. And as far as the doctor can tell I haven’t been ovulating or I ovulate once in a blue moon. Its called anovulation – when no ovulation at all occurs; and oligo-ovulation – when ovulation occurs infrequently or irregularly.

Please stop acting like the fact that Jay and I only trying for 3 months means we should “just relax” and “stop worrying”. Because looking back in 2011-2012 I had all the same symptoms…extremely irregular cycles (which I chalked up to my body adjusting to getting off birth control) and those times where I agonized over trying to read the ovulation prediction tests was probably because I wasn’t ovulating.

There is my answer. As I said when someone asks it is so difficult to answer. But there it is. Let’s just cross our fingers and hope we won’t have to try for much longer.